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Finding Good Memory Care
August 1, 2024
In a recent conversation with a friend, the subject came up of finding memory care for her father. She and her mother were doing all the right things. Visiting a number of communities, finding out the resident/caregiver ratio, and the skill level of the staff besides obtaining quotes on the cost of care.
It is difficult to face, placing your loved one in a Memory Care community or in an Adult Care Home (Board and Care). But once that decision has been made how do you proceed? Where do you turn? How can you find the best care for your budget? There is good advice on line, here are a few resources:
1) The Alzheimer’s Association has help planning and how to proceed. Go to: alz.org/help&support/careoptions
There you can choose between long-term care or other relevant topics.
2) A Place for Mom has a list of questions to ask https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/memory-care-checklist
3) Bonaventure Senior Living has a Step-by-Step Guide https://bonaventuresenior.com/choosing-the-right-memory-care-service-a-step-by-step-guide/
4) The National Institute of Aging provides a list and links to other government agencies.
Often you can get a sense of a place the minute you walk in the door. How you are greeted, the cleanliness, and even the smell or lack of it tells you a lot. After you are past the reception desk, do the caregivers and other staff members greet you with a smile? Do they look happy about working there? How are the caregivers interacting with the residents? Visit at different times of the day to see what is really going on. What is the basic mood of the place? Does it feel safe? Do they have some sense of security, i.e. sign-in, or concern for who is visiting? Is the location close enough for you to visit on a regular basis? You need to drop in unannounced so that you are a good advocate for your loved one. Staff often changes at memory care communities, due to the nature of the job there is a high rate of burn-out. However, if the community has a low turnover rate that is another sign they are doing something right.
Another valuable resource is your local ombudsman. Once you narrow your selection down to three places give their office call. You can glean valuable information, such as their opinion of the communities. And how many reports on abuse or neglect have been filed against the communities you are considering. You can find them at the National Long-Term Care Ombudsman Resource Center. Click here to find out more about the role of the ombudsman.
Itcombudsman.org
Ask to have lunch with your loved one at your final community selections before you make a decision. Talk to other family members who are visiting their loved ones. Ask about the consistency of the food quality, the care, etc. Also ask your final selection to allow your loved on to participate in some of the activities for a day. If it is not a good fit, do the same at your second and third choices. However, subjecting your loved one to multiple places might be confusing to them so start with the one you believe is right for them.
Suggested Resources
Previous News Letters
Making Caregiving Fun
February 29.2024
Our attitude as caregivers affects the person we are caring for. Caregiving by itself is overwhelming, stressful, and possibly depressing. The loss we feel as we watch our loved one decline take it’s toll. We experience a variety of emotions as caregivers. So how do we keep each day fun for the sake of our patient and ourselves?
Some of these ideas may not work in certain situations depending on the cognitive ability and/or mobility status of the one needing care. An activity that might be fun for one patient might be terrifying or boring for another, so discretion is needed when choosing fun activities.
First, make a list of all the activities and hobbies the patient loved doing and see how they can be modified and incorporated into the schedule. Here are a few suggestions:
1) an outing to visit a family member a few hours away. Make sure to allow for some extra rest and expect possible acting out the next day.
2) take walks or “rolls” if a wheelchair is needed.
3) drive to a favorite park or favorite neighborhood.
4) a trip to a nursery to look at all the plants.
5) going out to eat lunch instead of lunch at home.
6) pick up “take-out” or bring a picnic and eat at a park.
7) attending a special event at the Senior Center.
8) going shopping.
9) arts and crafts at home.
10) reading favorite stories.
11) a few hours at an Adult Day Care giving caregivers a needed break.
12) play simple board games or puzzles (if they are not into eating the puzzle pieces); large size puzzle pieces might be more appropriate and easier for them to put in place.
13) Chair volley ball
Another member of the family or a dear friend might be able to step in for an hour or two to take over these activities creating more break opportunities for the lead caregiver. But we must be careful not to overstimulate the patient or that might lead to behavioral issues.
Music is so important, so think of ways to incorporate it into the routine. Create a playlist of their favorite songs they can listen to while they eat. It can soothe their mind and make meals more enjoyable. Music during mundane chores helps our attitude.
Let your imagination run wild. Keep your eyes and ears open for new activities you can provide. All of these things will make the routine enjoyable and help us keep our attitude in check.
Avoiding Caregiver Resentment
May 2nd, 2024
Becoming a dementia family caregiver happens unexpectedly. There is no big preparation time – it just happens. Sometimes gradually, others times almost overnight. For a spouse, it can mean giving up retirement travel plans, a new venture, or time with the grandkids. As a result of this role change, the caregiver can struggle with resentment. There are different emotions at play, perhaps grief over a dream fading away or their relationship changing.
Caring Bridge has a great article this month on their website, Caregiving Advice page, called Managing Resentment: Challenges of Spousal Caregiving. As the writers explain:
“As a family caregiver, you wear many hats – from nurse and companion to advocate and housekeeper – all while juggling your own emotional needs. So, it’s understandable that many caregivers report feeling overwhelmed and resentful of their situation and, sometimes, the partner for they care. If you feel this way, you’re not alone.”
In the article you will find tips on how to navigate the emotional side of being a caregiver. This article is an important resource for all caregivers. As a daughter or son caregiver we often give up job opportunities or even our job, or put lifelong dreams on indefinite hold. When we do make major sacrifices, there are unexpected emotions involved.